The year 2025 was the year of a lot of learning for me. A series of losses, followed by pain & hollowness, overlapping with four months of wandering across foreign lands that brought about profound realisations and finally, healing, all perfectly fitted into twelve months.
Being without a job for the most part of the year had stripped away a large part of my identity and sense of purpose. The sudden end of a relationship took away one of my biggest sources of support. The breaking of another long-held dream hollowed me. And a startup idea that failed soon after was another blow. By the time July arrived, I had lost a lot, and I wanted to disappear somewhere far.
So, I left.
I got on a flight to Europe with neither an itinerary nor a return ticket. I went not in search of adventure, but distance. The unfamiliarity of new places pushed me out of every comfort zone I had. I wandered through five countries, witnessing new cultures, architectures, and landscapes unfold like scenes from a film, while an entirely different movie of memories played in the background.
There was no safety. There was no home. Not even a routine I could seek refuge in.
Everything I could fall back on had disappeared. Every structure I depended on was dismantled. Every identity I could hide behind had evaporated. There wasn’t even a purpose to hold on to.
All of this forced me to go deep within.
I spent long stretches of time walking across cities and sitting & hiking in nature. Sometimes I would journal for hours, and sometimes I would stare at the grass, the trees, the distant faces, and the empty spaces in between eevrything.
I watched waves upon waves of excruciating emotional pain rise and fall at their will. Anger, regret, and sadness played hide & seek in between moments of joy, awe, and wonder, as I moved though Spain, Germany, Netherlands, Scotland, and England.
Thankfully, I did find refuge in my pursuit of healing.
While I was in Germany, I met a friend who introduced me to Anapana meditation, and that became my anchor. Not just the practice, but the philosophy behind it as well. It opened a window to many learnings and realisations that rushed in once I started digging deeper.
I learned to accommodate the pain. I hiked through the pain. I partied through the pain. And I laughed through the pain. I formed a pact with my pain: you are allowed to come, but not consume me.
I began carefully labelling my emotions instead of fighting them. Observing them instead of drowning in them. Letting my body feel them, while reminding myself that, like waves, they would eventually settle.
Realisations came pouring in as I spent hours learning about Anapana meditation and the teachings of Buddha, finding answers in books on Spirituality & Psychology, and contemplating about the nature of emotions and the mind, the purpose of life, and the nature of the Self.
I journaled most days. Over four months, I must have spent more than a hundred hours introspecting, and tens of hours in silence and meditation.
Slowly, something shifted.
The mind started getting quieter and the waves started getting gentler. And when the waves finally started receding, they left behind numerous sea-shells of myriad dimensions and colors. Each seashell was a realisation.
I returned home in mid-November, slightly healed but numb.
Till the start of December, I was convinced that this was the worst year of my entire life. But then something changed. One day, out of nowhere, a voice inside me echoed:
“The seashells that you have are priceless”.
Soon after, the bitterness gave way to gratitude, the numbness thawed, and the mind healed. By the time the year ended, I became the calmest, most confident, and most grounded I have ever been my entire life. Stronger and wiser than ever before.
What a year and what profound realisations and discoveries.
In the next few days, I will attempt to outline some of these learnings that have etched themselves into my psyche. These are realisations around spirituality, the mind, and a deeper understanding of life.
The year began with hope, and it ended with hope. Thank you, 2025.
The picture below: one of the countless solo hikes and nature walks with two constant companions: my mat and the book that helped me the most.
